I must say, it really was a strange experience, to send out such intimate details to the universe. I hope you laughed, and maybe even found solace that at least there’s someone even more screwed up than yourself. Please don’t take offence to that. I only say it because it’s what we generally do well, beat ourselves up. [… read full post]

Why is this so difficult? Usually I don’t think twice. Why is my conscience so fucking self righteous today? Or, could it be a sign, a sign I’ve grown, matured, a sign signalling change, positive change. I should honour this thought by throwing these pills in the bin. The bin is just there, literally four meters away, but, but my coffee is just here, literally within arms reach. It would be easier to throw these pills in my mouth instead, washing it down with coffee, coffee that would now be the perfect temperature for such a task. [… read full post here]

To balance the scales, is this my cure? Should I be surprised? Staying busy does ward off depression. Busy writing, busy gaming, busy gardening, busy fucking, all of it, moments of reprieve, but that’s all it is, brief moments, like a drowning man’s gasps of air, it’s very much welcomed, it keeps me alive, but fuck, I’m still drowning, I will be submerged again. Could it be that my Noah’s Ark, my salvation from this ocean of doom, is found in one word, retribution? [… read full post]