#14 – Cock blocked by Baphomet

I’m assuming the first rule to a stakeout is to not fall asleep. Well it is my first time, but I have to say it’s boring as shit. I don’t think I missed anything though, I only dozed off for ten minutes and there’s still three cars parked outside.

My phone rings. It’s Pierre, my old high school buddy. We still catch up a few times a year.

‘Hey Hugo’

He sounds excited.

‘Hey Pierre, what’s good?’

‘Come over man, I scored myself some primo weed’

It’s tempting, but I don’t think I can, I’m in Miseryman mode. It’s why I’m here, staking out Tony’s place, for two hours now. It would seem like such a waste to leave after all this effort, especially when according to Donnatella, this would be the Friday that Tony disappears for the weekend. I need to follow this fucker to find out where he cooks his shit. I can then make an anonymous call to the cops, and get that fucker out of Donnatella’s life. Although, it doesn’t look like his going anywhere, it’s now nine o’clock. I mean really, what was I expecting? This ain’t the movies, this will probably take many many stakeouts.

‘Yea okay,’ I concede, ‘I’ll be there in twenty’

***

I knock on Pierre’s apartment door. I can hear him behind the door, jogging down the hallway. When he opens it, both Pierre and the smell of marijuana greet me. The fucker has started already?

He hugs me, whispering in my ear. ‘Hey, don’t be upset, but I have a surprise for you.’

I hate surprises.

He leads the way as I cautiously follow behind. As we enter his living room, I see two young ladies sitting on his couch. Motherfucker set me up!

He jumps on the couch next to the blonde, putting one arm around her. ‘Hugo, meet my girl Cassie, and this young lady is Cassie’s bestie, Tanya. Girls, this is Hugo’

In between exchanging pleasantries, I’m looking at Pierre like his one of my misbehaved students.

‘Sit the fuck down man!’ Pierre pleads, ignoring my obvious displeasure. I want to pull his fucking hipster beard right off his face.

Tanya smiles at me and pats the empty space next to her. I’m relieved that at least she’s not feeling awkward, and damn, she’s not bad at all, but I’m so pissed off at Pierre for setting me up like this, I’m just not ready for this shit, my head is not in the game.

I realise I’m still standing there like an idiot, unsure whether I should stay or go. It’s not a good start. I may as well go. I can get some weed and head back to the stakeout. If nothing happens there, I can just head back home, smoke a joint and jerk off, I haven’t cummed in more than a month. Yes, I’ll do that. I can imagine I’m fucking this Tanya chick because I’m not going to lie, she’s looking fit.

‘Sorry girls, it was nice to meet you but I just came to get some weed and head off. I’ve got a few things I need to do’

Pierre rushes towards me, pulling my arm. His girl Cassie follows, pulling my other arm, both urging me to get on the couch. It’s clear these fuckers have been smoking well before I got here.

‘No weed for you, unless you smoking it with us!’ Pierre maniacally hollars.

Before I know it, I’m sitting on the couch between Tanya and Pierre. Out of breath, Pierre wraps one arm around me, making sure I don’t escape.

‘Hugo’s just feeling a little sad since his breakup awhile ago’’

Oh shut the fuck up!

‘Not to worry Hugo,’ continues Pierre, ‘we’ll cheer you up, but first, let’s loosen you up, Cassie babe, set the bong up for Hugo.’

Fuck me, Pierre and Cassie make a great fucking team, it’s already annoying the shit out of me.

In seconds, Cassie is presenting me with Pierre’s bong. Tanya quickly follows by offering me a lighter. Sitting next to her, I’m noticing a lot more of Tanya’s cleavage. Yep, that’s the clincher, man’s greatest influence. I reluctantly take both bong and lighter.

‘Aaaaahhh, his coming around girls.’ Pierre’s sudden change in tone was filled with anticipation. His really making this awkward, but fuck it, I’ve never said no to weed.

I hunch over the bong and as I lift it to my lips, I turn the lighter on. Its flame is dancing over the tightly packed cone. I then begin to suck all the oxygen under the stars through this tiny hole. The flame has no option but to abandon its dance, as it dives into both weed and tobacco. I remove the flame, for the glowing red embers have now taken over. I can hear that familiar soothing crackle playing in my ears, that is until the embers burn into nothingness. I keep sucking, making sure all remaining smoke left behind in this glass prison is liberated so that it can reach its last resting place, my lungs.

‘Haha!’ Laughs Pierre. ‘Lungs of steel!’

I look up at the pendant light as I blow out the smoke, sometimes from my mouth, sometimes from my nose, sometimes both. Poor lungs, that’s a lot of smoke, smoke that is now seductively dancing across the ceiling. I already feel warm, cosy, light. Damn, this really is primo weed. I realise that Pierre was right all along. I do feel loosened up. So loosened up in fact, I feel comfortable enough to discreetly take another look at Tanya’s cleavage. There it is. Lovely. Lovely, lovely, lovely. It’s hypnotic, a gravitational pull I can’t seem to fight, or at least my eyes can’t seem to fight, for they’ve surrendered to this secretive, sensual part of the universe, where only the imagination is able to trespass, thereby removing the garment responsible for this seductive mystery, this cruel torment, manifested into a tight red and blue checkered shirt.

‘Err, you like what you see?’ Tanya asked.

I can hear Pierre burst out into hysterical laughter. ‘Let’s go babe,’ he says to Cassie, ‘I think these two want to be alone.’

Well this is fucking embarrassing. Damn this weed, it really is some next level shit, turning me into a horny little virgin teenager that’s never seen breasts before. Thankfully, Tanya’s reaction, a cheeky grin, tells me she didn’t mind at all. Do I say something? No, I best not. I may end up asking if I could suck her tits.

I look to my left and see Pierre and Cassie disappear into another room, closing the door behind them. What the fuck is happening? Motherfucker left me, abandoned me. I will have words with him, strong words, as is deserved for such a betrayal. I will have to wait though, when my senses return.

I look at Tanya again, she’s moved a little closer to me. No, no, no, please don’t, please don’t want to fuck me. It’s been way too long, I’m going to embarrass myself.

‘Would you mind?’ she asks, her eyes pointing to the bong I’m still holding.

‘Sure’ I reply, relieved, relaxed.

I slowly negotiate my way to the edge of the couch, placing the bong back on the coffee table as I start to refill.

‘Just half way.’ she says.

‘Sure’

‘So Hugo, Pierre tells me you’re a teacher’

‘Unfortunately, what do you do?’

‘Funny you say that, I’m in my final year of my teaching degree. I’m also working part time as a beautician’

I pass her the bong. Her brown hair seems to be glowing. Is it a halo? Is she angel of sex?

‘No shit?’ I say. ‘I’d stick to being a beautician. Fuck teaching’

She laughs. ‘Well aren’t you the ringing endorsement for what many consider to be a noble profession’

She wraps her lips around the rim of the bong. Yes, I’m imagining those lips around my cock. She takes a couple of pulls before handing me the bong back.

‘Sorry, too harsh, you finish it’ she coughs.

Should I? I really don’t know. I’m already an embarrassing mess. What will happen if I smoke more? Start salivating over those fine legs of hers? No, it should be okay. I’m aware of what’s going on with me now. I’m asking myself lots of questions, a good sign.

I finish the rest of the contents in the cone.

‘Yeah, it can be a noble profession…’ I pause to blow circles of smoke. Fuck, am I showing off? That’s just lame. Miseryman would be appalled. Besides, have I forgotten its been forever since I last cummed? No, there is to be absolutely no fucking, if sixty seconds is even considered fucking. I’ll just be myself, that would be enough of a deterrent. Besides, what makes me think she wants to fuck anyway? How presumptuous! Stupid fucking cock, ever the optimist.

I put the bong back on the coffee table. Damn, I’m well and truly cooked. I need to know where Pierre got this gear. I must share with Zachariah, he would love this shit.

What was I talking about? Something about teaching. It’s a profession. Yea, okay, so what? Oh, I remember.

‘Yeah, it can be a noble profession, if the system allowed it to be, but the education system is just another apparatus set up to prevent revolution so that the masses stay smart enough to further advance the current oppressive hegemony, but stupid enough to not know that’s what their doing. It goes against the very essence of what a classroom should be, which is the birthplace of revolution, but all it actually is, all it ever has been, for a long time, is a factory, a factory manufacturing zombies’

Tanya laughs again. ‘Now that’s the type of shit that would keep me awake during lectures! If only they taught me that at uni’

I wonder if she is as horny as I am? Maybe I should go to the bathroom, pump out a quick one, just incase. No, that won’t work, I know my cock. My cock needs consistent fucking to get back up to the hour mark. It will only extend my sixty seconds to a couple of minutes. The only option left for me is to change the subject, maybe to something more morbid.

‘Oooooooo yea!’ Cassie moans from the other room.

Fuck me, Pierre and Cassie are going at it. So fucking rude! This is not helping my cause.

Tanya giggles. She’s not disturbed at all. Why? She should be, it’s fucking gross.

‘How long have they been a thing?’ I ask, pretending to be interested in that Judas, but really just making sure we stay talking, and only talking.

‘A couple of months’ she answers.

‘Ah, okay’

I think I should go. I can still hear those two, fucking like hyenas.

‘Pierre told me a lot about you.’ She said, ignoring the moans.

‘Oh yeah’ I reply, desperately trying to come up with an exit strategy.

‘Sorry, I thought you knew about tonight, he clearly sprung it on you. That would shit me too’

I nod in agreement.

‘But yeah, he had a lot of nice things to say, which was I came tonight and, and I’m glad you came tonight as well’ she confesses, as she put her elbow on top of the couch, resting her head in her hand. I wish she didn’t do that, because between her shirt buttons, I can see a bit of her bra. It’s black! Fuck! Learning from my lesson, I pull my eyes away. I wish I didn’t, I’m now looking into her eyes, and she’s looking into mine.

My cock was restless before, but now it wants to party like it’s 1999. I need to adjust my seating position. I break her trance and reach for a cigarette on the coffee table. I can’t even leave now even if I wanted to, not without her seeing my protruding boner.

‘Are you okay?’ She asks, as she leans forward, sitting on the edge of the couch with me. ‘Your quiet.’

Her leg is touching mine now. I can feel her eyes on me, waiting for me to respond.

‘Yea, I’m fine.’ I respond. ‘I should be heading off soon’

‘Did I say something?’

‘No, not at all, your great, it’s just, I’m not feeling well that’s all’

She puts her hand on my lap, bringing her head closer to mine. ‘I can fix that.’ she whispers. She then places the tips of her warm fingers on my cheek, turning my face towards hers. Our lips are now aligned, the distance between them fast vanishing. There’s a scent of cherry on her lips, it’s pleasant, it’s taste even more so. I know because our lips have merged in synchronicity and strong intent, intent to leave no surface unexplored. In the midst of this moist exploration, which our tongues have now joined, she somehow has managed to wrap both her thighs around my waist. I abandon lighting my cigarette, flicking it far away from the flames raging between our lips. Her pelvis begins to push hard against a cock that has already risen to the challenge, pushing back with even more enthusiasm. With both hands, I grab her ass, applying greater momentum, greater force, to every jiration, increasing the intensity in her breathing, as though the friction against my cock had just started a new flame.

The blue denim between her ass and my squeeze did not agree with my sudden frenzied horny state. I wanted the softness of her skin in my palms. I held her tight against my chest, and turned on top of her. I unlock our lips as my fingers waste no time negotiating her button and zip. I pull down those skin tight jeans, all the way to her ankles. I keep pulling until her jeans turn inside out, allowing me to throw it God knows where. She already has her thumbs between the sides of her black panties, pulling it off her waist. Impatiently, I take over, ripping it off, revealing a pussy that is glistening under the light. She’s wet. I slap squeeze her thighs, running my hands down skin that is as smooth as I imagined it to be, before grabbing behind her knees, pinning them beside her breasts, giving me complete control as my tongue goes to town.

I can make her cum right here, avoiding my dilemma that I seem to have forgotten, but I’m realising the extent of how starved my cock has been lately, which is wholly in the moment, and calling all the shots. It’s demanding to join the party, but not before this fine specimen is as she should be, completely naked.

My fingers undo the hooks in her strap, as my other hand pulls off both shirt and bra in one swift motion. With those garments of torment now removed, paradise has arrived, and I’m officially welcomed by plump breasts, demanding to be ravished, and so, I did, and as I slapped, squeezed and sucked, she, she slid her slim hand in my pants, wrapping it around a cock beating its own war drums.

‘I want you in me right fucking now.’ Tanya groaned. She rolled onto her hands and knees, her perfectly round ass staring me in the face.

There were a few tattoos on her arms, but I’m noticing a lot more on her back. Lots of images and symbols. I’m really too busy right now to pay any close attention, but it was definitely a dark vibe, which to be honest, I neither hate, nor love. My blase reaction to her ink probably had something to do with my screaming angry cock, demanding I stop critiquing every damn thing, reminding me this is not the time nor place, it’s a party, held in honour of cock and pussy only, philosophers ain’t invited. I tend to agree.

‘Pull my hair’ she demands.

Fucking gladly.

I wrap her hair around my right hand while I release my cock from its cage, holding it back down, pointing it towards where the main party will take place. As I pull her hair back, lifting her chin in the air, her pussy and my cock immediately become well acquainted with each other.

Your time starts now! My sixty second time clock ticks away in my head. Fuck I missed this, but I can’t think about that, I now have fifty seconds to figure out how the fuck I’m not going to blow in that time, yet with this warm wet embrace, and the drive behind these thrusts, I don’t think I’m going to make it. It’s those damn butt cheeks that are responsible for this irresponsible pounding, turning that succulent meat into serene waves rolling onto a sunset shore. I look up at the ceiling, ensuring my eyes stay well clear of this intoxicating sight. With the smoke gone, the ceiling is boring, which is great, but I can still hear her, I hear her voice panting, I hear her out-of-breath demands, ‘harder’, I hear her pussy getting pumped, I hear the collision of my hips against her butt, it’s an orchestra, an orgasmic fucking symphony. This is one battle I’m not going to win. I surrender to my selfish cock and look back down at this female responsible for turning me into an animal that no longer gives a fuck if it’s a selfish fuck. I’m guessing this is something Miseryman would approve of, to not give a fuck. If she has a problem with this, well she can go fuck herself, literally.

I let go of her hair, allowing me to pull her hips into me with every thrust.

Now that my eyes are free to gaze in wonder, I notice her tattoos again, much to the disapproval of my cock. I can’t help myself though, it’s intriguing me.

Fuck, is that, Baphomet? I look closer, fuck, it is, on her shoulder. I realise now all her ink is related to some form of satanic shit. The symphony that threatened my explosion has suddenly become a distant sound. I feel so stupid that I thought of her as a sex angel. I don’t really don’t know what that means, a sex angel. I guess it’s someone that looks like sex on legs, gets you super horny, and wants to fuck right away. In hindsight, that sounds more like a sex devil. With all that demonic shit on her body, and this sex crazed spell she put on me, sex devil is definitely a more appropriate title.

Damn it, my cock warned me, but it’s happened, my eyes are no longer infatuated with the lickable curves of her naked body, rather they are wholly engrossed in this satanic art. I wonder if the tattoo I see on the inside of her forearm is satanic related. I grab it and pin it behind her back as I continue to ram her from behind.

‘Yes…. yes… yes.. oh fuck yes.. keep going.. yes’

That’s better, I can read it clearly now. Inked in cursive style it reads, Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. It’s a phrase coined by Aleister Crowley, I know because what conspiracy nut doesn’t know the black magic nut that is Mr Crowley? This chick is a fucking hardcore satanist. I don’t mind, I’m not one to judge, especially one with an ass like hers. Yes, that’s right, I need to get back to the task at hand, since my cock doesn’t seem to have the same presence it once did. My cock was right, my head needs to stay out of this, but I’m struggling, Baphomet is looking at me. Fuck me, it looks like it’s enjoying it! It looks like its boobies are bouncing. Fuck! I feel like I’m fucking a fucking hermaphrodite goat thingy. That’s fucking disgusting. Fuck me dead, my cock no longer feels like a rock, it’s like it’s turning into a fucking sock. Fuck, my mind is working overtime, it’s even trying to rhyme. Fuck my mind. Shut up! I look up at the ceiling, but it’s not helping, I can feel goatman’s eyes on me. I grab her ass, hoping it will inject life back into my cock, nothing. I slap her ass, but still, no response, my cock is not resurrecting, it’s flatlining. Baphomet is smirking at me. Fuck to hell that smirk, it’s pretty much castrating me. Yep, my cock is dead. Unbelievable. Never in a million years would I have imagined my cock would die before I would cum. This is just stupid now. I pull out my limp dick. I can hear it saying I told you so.

I pull up my boxers and jeans back over my disgraced cock.

‘Hugo?’ Tanya rolls to her back, lifting her head up to look down at her pussy. She places a couple of fingers over it, then scans them with her eyes. She’s checking to see if I cummed inside. I kinda wished that was the problem.

‘What happened? Why’d you stop?’

Miseryman has kicked the door down, his come to save me from this burning embarrassment. Tell the crazy bitch the fucking truth.

‘Your…’’ I point over her shoulder, ‘Baphomet, the little fucker cock blocked me’

She allowed my words to briefly rest after its fall from my mouth. She then throws her head back into the couch, laughing from her depths of her gut. She lifts her head up again, forcing herself to pause for just a moment. ‘Wait, what?’ Again, her head falls back in laughter. Fuck, at least one of us finds this amusing.

I reach for a cigarette and lighter. I notice there’s only three drinks on the table. Pierre forgot to offer me one, rude cunt. To rub salt in the wound, I can still hear those two fucking.

I light my cigarette, having made the decision to get the fuck out of here. I should take some weed with me though. I can leave some money on the coffee table.

Tanya’s calmed down a little, allowing her to speak again. ‘Damn, I was so close’

You were close? Bitch, you were about to be hosed down by a month’s worth of cum if not for that erection thief Baphomet.

‘Come here.’ She puts her hand on my arm. ‘Fuck me again, in the same way, like you just got out of prison, I’ll stay on my back, you won’t see it.’ She giggled those last few words.

It’s a tempting offer, but my cock has already been declared dead at 10:13pm. This Baphomet motherfucker really did do a number on me. I’m beginning to wonder if it will ever work again. Fuck, this weed is making me so overly dramatic, and it looks like my cock has paid the ultimate price for it.

Should I finish her off with my fingers?

Get up cock, I promise, I won’t think, I promise, you can cum as quick as you want, just get up! No response. Wow, it really is dead, or just really upset at me. I’m actually a little concerned now. I need to get the fuck out of here. She can finish off herself, maybe Baphomet can do it for her.

I get up and make my way to Pierre’s bathroom. I open the glass cabinet, looking for mouthwash. Thankfully he has some. Are there different grades of mouthwash? I probably need some heavy duty industrial shit for tasting devil pussy.

Fuck me, what a way to cap off my last day at work for 2018, what a way to start my holidays.

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